Skip to main content

Two Words to Help You Have Better Conversations in a UU Church

"I Believe...."

"I believe" are two words we need to hear more of in UU churches .... I believe.

First, wouldn't it be great to be having more of the deep conversations about meaning, God, Spirit, purpose, etc? I mean, don't get me wrong, we also need the conversations about politics, the news, and how excited we are about the first woman Doctor Who and Patrick Stewart returning to Star Trek.

But those rich conversations about religious ideas ... isn't church kind of the ideal place for those?

So go deep. Start with "I believe ...." It may feel a little scary, but being willing to share your thoughts opens the door for others to share theirs.

IF you begin with "I Believe."

Sadly, I've seen so many conversations, in person and online, where UUs seem unable to use them. Opinions are stated as fact. Which is a terrific way to shut down a conversation -- unless the other person wholly agrees with you, it's not a great way to encourage someone to share their thoughts.

Hey, some folks love a rousing debate, and they're not going to let a little thing like you stating opinion as fact slow them down.

But I think that the reason why we so often do not have those deep conversations in our churches is because so many people are not interested in debate. They're craving dialogue, where the people involved are not trying to convince each other, or "win," but instead share ideas and explore new thoughts without coercion. It is a vulnerable thing to share our beliefs, knowing they may open us up for ridicule or scorn.

I am sure that I have been guilty of this myself, this stating a belief as Truth. There are some things I just believe in SO STRONGLY, you know? But what I have to realize is this:

 Passion does not turn an opinion into a fact.

So I am trying to learn to speak from my own experience, knowing it is just that -- my experience. No more, and no less. And other people have other experiences that may have led them to a completely different conclusion.

And I'd really like to hear it.







Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

We've Reached the "Tom Hanks Eating Raw Fish" Phase of the Pandemic

Last May, as it became apparent the covid-19 pandemic was not going to be a temporary affair, I wrote about the benefits of imagining you were shipwrecked on a deserted island.  Now, a year after we began hearing about the "novel coronovirus," I suspect that many of us have now entered the "Tom Hanks Eating Raw Fish" stage of the pandemic.  We've made the best of things. Rearranged home offices and homeschool desks. Got through the holidays, mustering as much joy as we could. There's a permanent hook or basket at the front door for our masks.  Most of us by now either know someone who died of covid, or are, at most, 2 degrees away. Our co-worker's husband's mother. Our friend's aunt. Or closer. We've grieved.  And now...we're just numb. We keep putting one foot in front of the other, because that's what we have to do. We eat, we drink, we sleep. We get our work done. We nag our kids to do school work.  But our affect is flat. Like Ha...
1 comment
Read more

Me and My Collar

You may run into me on a Friday, in my neighborhood, so it's time I let you know what you might see. When I was doing my required unit of Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE), my supervisor suggested that any of us who came from traditions where a clerical collar was an option, take one "collar week," to see how we were treated, as opposed to wearing regular professional clothes. After a couple of days, I joked to the Catholic priest, "How do you manage the power?" In regular clothes, I would walk into a patient's room, and it would take about 5 or so minutes of introductions and pleasantries before we could really get down to talking about their feelings, their fears, the deep stuff. With most people, as soon as that clerical collar walked in the room, with me attached, they began pouring out all the heavy stuff they were carrying. I was riding the bus back and forth every day, and though not quite so dramatic, the collar effect was alive there, to...
10 comments
Read more

Could You Send Her for the Ammunition?

Let me preface by saying I know that not all people are comfortable with military/war metaphors, so feel free to either find a metaphor that works for you, or skip this altogether. My dad, however, was a Korean war veteran who went to military college (that's what Texas A&M was in those days), originally stationed in artillery before being changed at the last minute to be a teacher in the corps of engineers. So some battle metaphors worked for him in explaining the world around him. His highest compliment about a person's character was an affirmative answer to "but could you send them for the ammunition?" The metaphor is this: you are in battle, and it's not looking good. You've got a partner with you, and y'all are running out of ammunition. If you send this person back to get more ammunition, will they return? Or will they promise to return, but then run the opposite direction, sacrificing you in the process? He and I would talk about this,...
Post a Comment
Read more