Skip to main content

"I Don't Know Who I Am Now" or The Importance of Not Assuming for a While


The next 5 months are probably going to be kinda weird. Uncertainty and anxiety flying all over the place. Duck! And then after that ... it's also going to be kinda weird, but a different kind of weird, as we move into the After Times, and figure out what exactly they're going to be like, and what exactly WE are going to be like. 

It is in times like these, that I like to turn to art to help make sense of it all. 

I refer, of course, to the art known as the television series Doctor Who. I mean, if we know things are going to be weird, we probably should look at some art that deals with the weird, right? Now's the time to examine Hieronymous Bosch and Marc Chagall. And Doctor Who, that time-traveling, face-shifting hero. 

Part of the Doctor Who story (and why it's been able to keep going so long) is that rather than die, the Doctor regenerates, retaining who they are, but with a different face, body, and to a certain extent, a different personality. 

Immediately after the regeneration into actor David Tennant's Doctor, the character mused: 

I’m the Doctor. But beyond that I just don’t know. I literally do not know who I am. It’s all untested. Am I funny? Am I sarcastic? Sexy? Right old misery? Life and soul? Right-handed, left-handed? A gambler, a fighter, a coward, a traitor, a liar, a nervous wreck? 

We have survived a global pandemic. We have experienced a year like no other. Who are we now? As individuals? 


Cartoonist Emily Flake did a strip about this for The New Yorker, sorting through feeling different about hugs, being around other people, and her feelings about herself. I don't know about you, but "I eat flies now," may be how I introduce myself for the next year. 

What this means: we cannot assume anything about each other anymore. Our ourselves, for that matter. So for a while, we need to learn to communicate very clearly and directly about what we want or don't want, and most importantly: do not assume. 

Do not assume that your friend who was always a hugger still is.

Do not assume your extroverted friend still is. 

DO NOT ASSUME THAT WHAT YOU ARE FEELING, EVERYONE IS FEELING. 

DO NOT ASSUME THAT PEOPLE CAN KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING. 

One of the positive things that may come out of this pandemic is if we will take more seriously the entire issue of consent. Not just sexually, but all touch. Everything, really. For the next few months, I can see "Do you mind if I remove my mask?" becoming a fair question, even when everyone together has been vaccinated. Our threshold for risk, and for comfort, will not be the same. 

Like everything, there is opportunity in this. Including opportunities for ourselves. 

It’s all waiting out there, Jackie. And it’s brand new to me. All those planets, creatures and horizons—I haven’t seen them yet. Not with these eyes. And it is gonna be… fantastic.

We can allow the world to be brand new to us. To experience it with the newness that is us, regenerated. We are not the same people we were before. 

Time to explore. 

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Me and My Collar

You may run into me on a Friday, in my neighborhood, so it's time I let you know what you might see. When I was doing my required unit of Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE), my supervisor suggested that any of us who came from traditions where a clerical collar was an option, take one "collar week," to see how we were treated, as opposed to wearing regular professional clothes. After a couple of days, I joked to the Catholic priest, "How do you manage the power?" In regular clothes, I would walk into a patient's room, and it would take about 5 or so minutes of introductions and pleasantries before we could really get down to talking about their feelings, their fears, the deep stuff. With most people, as soon as that clerical collar walked in the room, with me attached, they began pouring out all the heavy stuff they were carrying. I was riding the bus back and forth every day, and though not quite so dramatic, the collar effect was alive there, to...
10 comments
Read more

Wordle, Wishes and Boundaries

  Wordle, Wishes, and Boundaries In the beginning was the Wordle.  Some people liked it, and some people didn’t. And then more people liked it, and they began posting about it on social media, especially Facebook. And so then more people found out about it. Some people liked it, some people didn’t.  So, what can we learn about systems theory from the current zeitgeist of Wordle?  First things to understand:  There will not be an objective truth that is universally agreed upon. Is Wordle good, is it bad, should people share or not share … this is all immaterial. The issue is: What are your wishes? What are your boundaries?  A wish is something you’d like, but in healthy relationships, it is not an expectation. It is not a boundary. I sort of wish my spouse liked Brussels sprouts so we could share in my delight, but he doesn’t, and that’s okay. He’s happy for me to eat all of them.  A boundary is something so important that you create a consequence if ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Hey, Vampire Slayer -- Who's Your "Watcher"?

I was watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer* one day, like you do, and I thought, "Wow. I wish I had a Watcher." According to the Buffy Wiki , a Watcher is: a member of the Watchers Council, devoted to tracking and combating malevolent supernatural entities (and particularly vampires), primarily by locating individuals with the talents required to fight such beings and win. More specifically, Watchers were assigned to train and guide Slayers, girls that were part of a succession of mystically powered young women who were destined to face the forces of darkness. And then, quick as a vampire turns to dust when stabbed with a wooden stake, I realized, "Ohmygosh, I TOTALLY have a Watcher." My Watcher is named Ken, and he's an expert in Bowen Systems Theory, and he coaches me, teaching me about the vampires I encounter, and drilling me in how to slay them. No, the Vampires aren't people around me!  Far from it. The Vampires are my own responses to anxiety...
Post a Comment
Read more