Boots and Blessings

My evangelical friends talk about being "convicted." That moment when you hear or read a message and like an arrow, it dives into your heart, and you know that you have been guilty, and you have some growing to do. At the very beginning of my learning about Bowen systems theory, the professor was laying out the basic idea: that we all feel anxiety, and when we do, we act (often in unhealthy ways) in order to lessen our anxiety. And in an unhealthy system with emotionally immature people -- a family, a business, a church -- one person's anxiety can trigger the anxiety of others. Here's a great primer on that. Really great. Like, watch it 20 times in a row. Or every morning as you drink your coffee. (I'm not kidding. I think your life would be better. Consider it a spiritual practice.) So back to my conviction moment. The professor went on to talk about how when we see someone who is "vibrating" with anxiety, our instinct is often to rush over,

Self-differentiation is a building block of being a whole person in Bowen Systems Theory, and in my opinion, the key to a lot of personal peace. Here, let me get a Professor of Self-differentiation to tell you about it. (You can stop at the :15 minute mark. Or, you know, keep going. Because Grey and Swazye. swoon .... ) That's self-differentiation, right there. “This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine. You gotta hold the frame." Let's break those 15 seconds down, because Professor Johnny Castle isn't just teaching dancing. “This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine." Self-differentiation means being clear about what is your dance space and what is the other person's. Where you end, and they begin. It's about having clear boundaries for yourself AND respecting the other person's boundaries. "You gotta hold the

TL;dr -- Our church does "Whole Church Worship," or "All Ages Are Together for the Whole Service, Every Service, Every Week." I've been getting a lot of questions about this. Here are some answers. Preface: For some reason, I occasionally run into people from other churches who want to explain to me all the reasons this won't work at their church. Sure. I'm not trying to talk you into this. You do you, Bub. Whole Church Worship is working at our church, at this time. Live Oak is pretty special, and I don't know that there are many things we do that would work any other place, including our Chili, Chocolate, and Karaoke Party. But that's a post for another day.  Okay, then. So, I first got involved in Whole Church Worship as a result of a fit of pique - my own. This was before I was a minister. At my home congregation, we had "Children's Chapel," and we had reached the point where we couldn't get anyone signed up to coordin