Skip to main content

Self-Care: Throw a Rockin' Pity Party!

I have given my little speech on pity parties to three different people this past week, so it seems
something is in the air. Let me share my view on pity parties with anyone who needs it:

Namely: I'm all for them. Even during the holidays. Especially during the holidays.

Look, sometimes life just stinks. It's unfair, and it's miserable, and dammit, why should you be going through this? You don't deserve it! No, you don't. To steal a line from The Best Man Holiday, nobody deserves misery, it's just your turn.

Now, as with all parties, you need to have good food, drink, and entertainment. Oh, and dress. People always want to know what they should wear to your party. And a guest list.

Guest List: You.

Dress: Something incredibly comfortable. Jammies. Yoga pants. Sweats.

Food: Something comforting. This is not a time for counting calories. Pay attention to the four food groups, sweet, salty, fried, and au gratin.1

Drink: Whatever works for you. Sparkling cider. Dr. Pepper. Red wine of an exquisite vintage. Hot cocoa.

Entertainment: Whatever movies turn on the waterworks. Field of Dreams. Steel Magnolias. The Notebook. (Hey, I'm not judging.) This time of year, the aforementioned Best Man Holiday.

Instructions: Watch. Eat. Drink. Sob big ugly wails, feel sorry for yourself. Stop with the being brave and keeping a stiff upper lip. Give in to it. It's okay. You're allowed. 

At a certain point, the party will be over. You'll wake up the next day, clean up the debris, wash your face, and go back to putting one foot in front of the other.

But for now ... party hearty, Marty.






1 The Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love, Jill Conner Browne

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Me and My Collar

You may run into me on a Friday, in my neighborhood, so it's time I let you know what you might see. When I was doing my required unit of Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE), my supervisor suggested that any of us who came from traditions where a clerical collar was an option, take one "collar week," to see how we were treated, as opposed to wearing regular professional clothes. After a couple of days, I joked to the Catholic priest, "How do you manage the power?" In regular clothes, I would walk into a patient's room, and it would take about 5 or so minutes of introductions and pleasantries before we could really get down to talking about their feelings, their fears, the deep stuff. With most people, as soon as that clerical collar walked in the room, with me attached, they began pouring out all the heavy stuff they were carrying. I was riding the bus back and forth every day, and though not quite so dramatic, the collar effect was alive there, to...

Beloved Community: The Now and Not Yet

Rev. Christine Robinson has a great little post up about the phrase "beloved community" and why it's problematic to use that to describe a church. Like her mom, I can get cranky about the whole thing, but my crankiness lies in the misuse of what is, to me, such a breathtaking and profound concept. Martin Luther King, Jr., someone whose words I study in great detail, is the one we often think of as originating the term, but he learned about it through the writings of Josiah Royce. Josiah Royce (right) with close friend William James.  Royce was a philosopher, studying Kant, Hegel. I imagine he would have enjoyed Koestler's theory of the holon , because he saw humanity as being both individuals and part of a greater "organism" that was community. As King's belief about Beloved Community would be rooted in agape , Royce's philosophy stemmed from what he called loyalty, and by that he meant, "the practically devoted love of an individual f...

The Most Controversial Thing I'll Write All Year

Back when you were a kid, you learned a lesson. It was wrong. And it's time for you to unlearn it. You learned that you were responsible for other people's feelings. Not that you should care about other people's feelings. (You should.) Not just that you should be sensitive to other people's feelings. (You should.) But you were taught that you were actually responsible for other people's feelings. It happens in almost all homes, even the loving ones. In abusive homes, it's more blatant. If Dad is unhappy, you get hit. So you learn that it is actually your responsibility to keep him happy, or there would be consequences. But even in non-abusive homes, it happened. If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.  You are not responsible for other people's feelings. That's their job. And in fact, you are crossing their boundary if you try to control their feelings. They get to decide how they feel about something, not you. They may decide that you...